Discernment Counseling for Oregon Couples
The Discernment Counseling process is a brief form of therapy with couples attending between 1 and 5 sessions. Not all couples will need all 5 sessions, but the therapy is limited to 5 sessions as the goal is making a decision versus engaging in ongoing therapy.
You will attend all sessions together with your spouse. Discernment Counseling sessions are 90 minutes long which gives your therapist time to meet with you each individually and together. Your sessions will be a mix of individual time and couples time. Your individual time will allow you to process your view of the relationship, help you understand your contributions to the problems, and provide clarity on what moving forward would look like.
Your time together will allow each partner to share their insights gained during individual sessions, assess current thoughts on decision making (choosing a path), and deciding on the need/desire to attend future discernment sessions.
What is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment Counseling was developed for couples with “mixed agendas” where one partner is “leaning in” and hoping to save the relationship while their spouse is more “leaning out” and unsure about making a commitment to try.
The goal for Discernment Counseling is for couples to make an informed and thoughtful decision about the future of their relationship.
Discernment Counseling differs greatly from couples counseling as the main goal for Discernment Counseling is making a decision on the direction of the relationship. Traditional couples counseling is aimed at improving the relationship and assumes that both partners are on board and want the same things.
How Discernment Counseling Works:
The Discernment Counseling process is a brief form of therapy with couples attending between 1 and 5 sessions. Not all couples will need all 5 sessions, but the therapy is limited to 5 sessions as the goal is making a decision versus engaging in ongoing therapy.
You will attend all sessions together with your spouse. Discernment Counseling sessions are 90 minutes long which gives your therapist time to meet with you each individually and together. Your sessions will be a mix of individual time and couples time. Your individual time will allow you to process your view of the relationship, help you understand your contributions to the problems, and provide clarity on what moving forward would look like.
Your time together will allow each partner to share their insights gained during individual sessions, assess current thoughts on decision making (choosing a path), and deciding on the need/desire to attend future discernment sessions.
The 3 Paths of Discernment Counseling:
Your Discernment Counselor will start your treatment with the goal of helping you make a thoughtful decision about the direction of your relationship. Discernment Counseling outlines 3 distinct paths that your counselor will help you explore. The goal of the discernment counseling is to decide on which path is the right choice for you.
Path #1: Keep the Status Quo
Path #2: Separation moving towards Divorce
Path #3: An All-Out Attempt to Improve the Relationship (for a 6-month period)
Choosing Path #1 means no major changes in the direction of the relationship and no significant shifts in either partner’s behavior. Your therapist will likely urge you to avoid choosing Path #1 as it keeps you stuck in a place that neither partner is likely happy with.
When a couple decides on Path #2 they have made the decision that they believe the relationship is not worth saving or they see it as unable to be saved.
When couples choose Path #3 they are making a commitment to make a good-faith attempt at making changes to the relationship in hopes of improving it enough that both partners will be happy. This commitment is often around 6 months and requires the couple to make significant changes including attending couples counseling.
Ready to take the next step and schedule a Discernment Counseling session? Please call us at (503) 388-6611 or visit us online to learn more.
Discernment Counseling is a Good Fit When…
- Part of you (even a very small part) holds out hope that the relationship can be saved and improved
- You are willing to accept that your actions have in some way contributed to the issues within the relationship
- You are willing to listen to your partner’s views on the relationship
- You have suggested couples counseling but can’t get your partner on board
- You feel stagnant and aren’t willing to accept the status quo
- You value the relationship with your spouse and would like to have a good relationship even if you decide to split up
Discernment Counseling is Not a Fit When…
- You have decided deep-down that there is no hope for your relationship
- You aren’t willing to accept responsibility for how your actions impacted your partner
- You won’t listen and attempt to understand your partner’s perspective
- You don’t care about the ongoing relationship between you and your spouse regardless of whether you chose to stay together
Contact Douglas Counseling now to book your first session—new clients in Oregon are welcome. Call (503) 388-6611 or contact us online.
FAQs about Discernment Counseling
Q: How much does Discernment Counseling Cost?
A: Each Discernment Counseling session is 90 minutes long and costs between $275 and $335 depending on which therapist you see.
Q: How many sessions would I need?
A: The Discernment Counseling process takes between 1 and 5 sessions.
Q: What happens if we haven’t made a decision after our 5th session?
A: When couples haven’t made a decision after their 5th session the decision is essentially for Path #1 (keeping the status quo). This is the path chosen by approximately 10% of couples and means you likely need more time to make such a big decision.
Q: Is there a virtual option for Discernment Counseling?
A: Yes, we serve all clients across Oregon, and this type of counseling can be done virtually.
Q: Can I expect to see change in my relationship by attending Discernment Counseling?
A: While we won’t seek to make direct changes to the relationship you will likely gain a lot of new knowledge, see new perspectives, and even have “light-bulb moments” that could lead to change down the road.
Q: Is Discernment Counseling different than regular couples therapy?
A: Yes, the major difference lies in the goal for therapy. The goal for Discernment Counseling is to gain clarity and confidence on deciding about the direction of the relationship while the goal in regular couples therapy is to make the relationship better right away.
Q: Will my therapist make a recommendation of which path they think is best?
A: No, your therapist will help to provide insights, understanding, and give you each a chance to make your own decisions. Your therapist is there to help guide you gain clarity and feel confident in making your decision.
Q: Is Discernment Counseling worth it?
A: If you and your partner have “mixed agendas” and need help in deciding on a path for your relationship Discernment Counseling will be worth it.
Q: What questions are asked in Discernment Counseling?
A: The types of questions asked will be aimed at understanding how each partner views the relationship, the current dynamic, and how they have contributed to that dynamic. Your therapist will ask questions to learn more about your reasons for potentially leaving and reasons for seeking reconciliation.
Q: What is the next step for making an appointment to start Discernment Counseling?
A: Call our office at (503) 388-6611 to speak with our office manager about your needs and interest in Discernment Counseling. We can match you with a therapist who specializes in Discernment Counseling and get your first appointment scheduled.
At Douglas Counseling, our Licensed Marriage & Family Therapists in Oregon are committed to helping couples across the region gain clarity about their relationships.
We proudly serve clients throughout Washington County, Clackamas County, and Multnomah County. Our office is especially convenient for couples in:
- Lake Oswego, Tigard, Tualatin, West Linn, Beaverton, Sherwood, and Oregon City
- Portland neighborhoods including Southwest Hills, Multnomah, Raleigh Hills, West Slope, Bridlemile, Cedar Hills, Cedar Mill, West Haven-Sylvan, Stafford, and Mt. Park
- Surrounding communities across the Portland metro area
Whether you’re nearby or a short drive away, Douglas Counseling offers Discernment Counseling in a supportive and accessible setting designed to meet you where you are.
We also offer Virtual sessions if you are interested.
We have therapists who have been trained and certified in Discernment Counseling. Our Licensed Counselors and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists in Oregon are ready to help you find clarity on a direction.
Success Stories: Why Oregon Couples Choose Discernment Counseling
Couples in Oregon are faced with many stressors that tear at the fabric of their relationships. Economic challenges, the stresses of parenting, and struggling to find a work-life balance have put immense pressure on today’s couples in Oregon. Couples are turning to Licensed Professionals to help them make one of the biggest decisions of their life. Recent studies show that between 30% and 35% of couples regret their decision to divorce making highlighting the importance of having clarity and making a thoughtful decision.
Michael and Denise from Washington County:
Michael called our office and wasn’t sure if we could help. He told us his relationship was hanging on by a thread and that he really wanted to try couples counseling, but his wife wasn’t willing to commit. We told Michael about Discernment Counseling and how it looks like the best fit for his relationship. After speaking with his wife, the couple scheduled their first Discernment session.
The couple explored their perspectives on the relationship, their views of what has led to current struggles, and received feedback from their counselor. The couple attended 3 sessions in total and at the end of therapy made the decision to choose to move forward and attempt to reconcile.
This is a great example of how without Discernment Counseling as an option this couple would have likely slipped through the cracks without receiving any sort of help. Both partners spoke about how they appreciated the format of their discernment counseling sessions providing them each a chance to speak individually with the therapist and then come together.
Deciding about the direction of your relationship is one of the most challenging decisions you can face, and you don’t have to face it alone. If you live in Washington County, Clackamas County, or Multnomah County and feel at a crossroads, Douglas Counseling can help you find the clarity you need.